


The Beer Burglar

by mythoughtsmymind



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), The Good Place (TV)
Genre: B99 Summer 2019 Fic Exchange, Bisexual Jake Peralta, Crossover, F/M, b99fandomevents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 17:38:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19706227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythoughtsmymind/pseuds/mythoughtsmymind
Summary: Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Good Place crossover where Jake arrests Eleanormy entry for the b99 summer 2019 exchange





	The Beer Burglar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cosmichobo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmichobo/gifts).



> written for Queen_Beastie (@cheeto-anaconda on tumblr) based on two prompts sent:  
> 1- Jake and Rosa working on a case together  
> 2- The Good Place crossover where Jake arrests Eleanor

The discussion of their faith was starting to get really confusing. None of the humans could understand what was going on, they were just mere (dead) mortals in the middle of a conversation that was really beyond them… and somehow, about them.  
“Mmm… Okay, let’s do it.” The Judge concluded, bringing an apparent good ending to the debate.  
“Yes!” Michael cheered, seeming extremely pleased.  
“I don’t know why, I’m just feeling kinda funky. But there have to be strict rules. Otherwise, the results will be tainted. And I reserve the right to change my mind at any point.” The Judge continued, like she was explaining a simple game of ‘Uno’ to the clearly confused humans.  
“About what?” Eleanor finally voiced what all the four were feeling. “Would someone who’s not an eternal being please explain to me what the-”  
And then it all started over.

\--

“Excuse me, ma’am. Do you have two minutes to talk about the environment?” Jake exploited his previously used genius cover. In fact no one looked him in the eye and he passed as basically invisible.  
Jake had come up with the idea of dressing like an environment enthusiast way back, when he started dating Amy. Now, a year into their marriage, it was still his favorite disguise, it just always seemed to work. That is, of course, until an incredibly rude lady came across him.  
“Do you have two minutes to talk about the environment?” Jake asked to a random person while looking for the perp reported to be there just a few minutes ago.  
“Do you have two minutes to eat my farts?” Eleanor said, the phrase almost becoming an automatic response by now.  
It had passed around 8 months since Eleanor had gone through her near-death experience and she had basically given up on being a good person. She was basically back to her pre ‘margarita mixture related incident’ self, the only difference being her new place of living, Brooklyn.  
“Wow, that was uncalled for.” Jake muttered under his breath.  
“You’re uncalled for.” Eleanor answered quickly, making the detective direct his glaze at her.  
“Wait a minute…” Jake said.Short blonde hair, blue eyes, short, apparently drunk… “You’re the beer burglar!”  
Usually the NYPD wouldn’t use their good detectives for a case this insignificant. But the constant local stores calls about missing packs of beer and bottles of liquor were starting to get annoying, and somehow the beat cops were still unable to get the perp who was committing said crime.  
“Oh, shit.” Eleanor exclaimed, widening her eyes. Seconds later she seemed much more relaxed “Hey, she’s making a name for herself!”  
“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I’m gonna have to take you in.” Jake said, getting a little bit annoyed by the fact that this was the biggest case he had scored that month.  
“Don’t you have to do some procedure stuff?” Eleanor remembered him, clearly enjoying her little moment in the spotlight.  
Jake rolled his eyes before starting the well know discourse.  
“You have the right to remain silent. If you do say anything… Ma’am!” Jake yelled as the woman who had commited the crime jolted down the block, managing to catch Eleanor in the middle of the second block down his previous location.  
“Man, that was quite a run.” Eleanor said, panting “Oof, how aren’t you tired?”  
“You have the right to remain silent if you do say anything what you say can be used against you in a court of law you have the right to consult with a lawyer present during any questioning if you cannot afford a lawyer one will be appointed for you if you so desire.” Jake let all the discourse out under one breath, making no pauses. He was pretty sure he had just beaten some kind of record with the speed the speech was declared.  
“Wow, that was impressive.” Eleanor said, in fact looking surprised with the speed of the detective’s speech.  
“I know, right?” Jake said with a little smile plastered on his face, being extremely proud of himself “Now, I’m gonna have to cuff you.” he finished being brought back to reality by his surroundings. After properly capturing the perp, Jake directed her back to the police car.

\--

“So, is that our suspect?”  
“Rosa, I’d hardly call her a suspect, she basically admitted committing the crimes when I caught her.” Jake replied to his partner in this case.  
“Cool.” Rosa nodded at Jake with a smirk on her face “How’d you like to go about the interrogation?”  
“I’ll just try something straight forward, she seems like she’s gonna confess pretty soon.”  
Jake made his way to the interrogation room, sitting in front of a seemingly really annoyed Eleanor.  
“Look, dude, I have no time for this, can you please just let me go?”  
“You spend your free time stealing beers what is it so important that you can’t miss?” Jake asked in a high pitched voice, being irritated by the atmosphere Eleanor was creating.  
“Number one: I did not admit anything!” She said articulating every word with exaggeration “Number two: I have a ‘Jonas Brothers’ show tonight. I can’t miss it, they’re too cute!”  
“Fair point.” Peralta said under his breath “But no, we can’t let you go because of a concert.” he continued.  
“Can’t I just go there and come back? I swear it’ll be really fast.” Eleanor pleaded, not really planning in returning to the precinct after the show.  
“I swear it’ll be really fast, title of your sex tape.” Jake muttered to himself, not being able to stop himself.  
“What?”  
“What?” Jake responded quickly, pretending he hadn’t said anything “Ma’am that will not be an option, you’ll have to stay here for further questioning.”  
“Did you say title of your sex tape?” Eleanor asked still a bit confused “Nice one, dude! You’re funny, detective.”  
Jake had already understood, form the moment Eleanor threw that snarky remark at him on the street, that the suspect had something special to her, maybe a good sense of humor, maybe just a pleasing aura. But at that exact moment, the woman had just given the cop what he loved most: validation. He couldn’t help but soften a little.  
After a question or two, the pair completely forgot about the crime and started having a pointless conversation, noting their similarities.  
“Right? Like, who doesn’t like Taylor Swift?” Jake exclaimed, not sure how they started talking about the pop star.  
Rosa was starting to get annoyed in the other room. It had been approximately 10 minutes since Jake and Eleanor had stopped talking about the case and were just talking about a list of attractive celebrities. The cop watching the conversation had doubted Jake’s sexuality since they were in the academy, but hearing him talk about the Hemsworth brothers with the suspect had basically confirmed to her the other cop’s bisexuality. Detective Diaz knew it was time to play a little ‘good cop, bad cop’ game.  
“Jake, there’s been a new lead. We need to discuss it immediately.” Rosa called for her partner from the other part of the questioning room.  
Jake hesitantly left the room. He was having a really good time talking to Eleanor and he didn’t want to ruin it by arresting her, it seemed a little too harsh of a way to start a friendship. But the cop knew he had to do the right thing, so he made his way to talk to Rosa.  
“Dude, what the fuck are you doing?” Rosa asked harshly as soon as the other detective stepped foot in the room. “You talking about Hollywood hotties won’t get us anywhere. I just wanna be done with this case already.”  
“Ok, I’m sorry” Jake said with a little tone of irony in his voice “I’ll go back and do some actual questioning.”  
“Uh, I don’t think so.” Rosa stopped Jake as he made his way to the door “You lost your questioning privileges as soon as the words ‘fat ass’ came out of your mouth. I’m doing the work now.”  
Peralta tried to stop Rosa but she had already left the room. At that point Jake could do nothing but sigh as he watched his newly built friendship get destroyed by her partner in the case.  
“All right, here’s the thing: I know you’ve got something to do and I really don’t wanna be here” Rosa started talking as soon as she entered the room “so could you maybe just give us anything useful?”  
“Wow, I really liked the other dude better.”  
“Ok, listen; my partner might be a softy…” Rosa said through her teeth.  
“Hey! I can still listen to you.” Jake said through the microphone.  
“Shut up, Jake!” Rosa yelled, growing really frustrated.  
“Ok, go on.” Jake said in a high pitched voice, failing to hide the fear in it.  
“I know Peralta might be a softy, but i won’t go easy on you,” Rosa said almost in a whisper “so maybe if you just confessed it would be easier for both of us.”  
“Look, I don’t wanna be here either, but there’s nothing I can do.” Eleanor said “I didn’t do it!” she continued over-articulating her words again.  
“You were in the place of the last crime, you ran away when approached by the police and you fit the description: short blonde hair, blue eyes.” The detective was now losing her temper at the blonde woman.  
“Dude, that’s the vaguest description ever. It could be Owen Wilson, have you considered him?” Eleanor said getting really mad “Of course i ran away when I was approached by the police, it’s reflex.”  
“What kind of reflex is that?” Rosa asked, genuinely confused.  
“Oh, I’m sorry, like I’m the only one who runs when someone thinks they committed a crime.” Eleanor exclaimed, throwing her hands up to the air.  
“I mean, if you didn’t do anything there’s no reason to run.” Rosa answered, finally returning to herself.  
There was a moment of silence in the room; Eleanor seemed to be reasoning something to herself. Rosa sighed, she was done with that case; it was a dumb crime and there was no reason to make such a big deal about it. Most of the beverages stolen were worth less than $10, summing up all the thefts, there was an estimated amount of $200 in products. The penalty would probably be a $500 fine.  
“Rosa, could you come here real quick?” Jake called the detective from the other side of the room.  
“What?” Rosa asked dryly when she entered the ambient.  
“Looks like Jennings just brought in our guy.”  
“What is that supposed to mean?”  
“Somebody else confessed to the crime, she’s innocent.”  
Rosa looked through the glass, looking at Eleanor in shock. She was telling the true, the girl just had some real troubles with making good decisions when it came to her actions.  
“You bonded with her, go tell her she’s free.” Rosa said to Jake, too embarrassed to confess she felt a little bad for being harsh with an innocent woman

\--

“And that’s one more point for the uniformed crew.”  
“In my defense, Ames” Jake said stubbornly to his wife “I knew she was innocent, Rosa’s the one who kept trying to get a confession out of her.”  
The couple was back at their apartment, after what had been a long day at work for both of them. They had already changed into their pyjamas and were sitting in their bed, discussing their day. Since they somehow managed to turn everything into a competition, Amy kept a scoreboard in her bedside table with the number of arrests her crew had made versus the detectives of the 99.  
“Say what you want, the point is still ours.” Amy said reaching for the scoreboard, not opened to making an exception to their rule by not marking that arrest.  
Jake rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically, faking annoyance. The truth is: he loved how Amy was proud of every single arrest her team made; it made him feel proud of her as well.  
It didn’t matter which team would win or lose the bet on the year’s arrest. What truly mattered was that they were all a family; and, by the end of the day, they all had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, guys :) I really hope you liked this fic, it's the first one i ever published and the first one i ever wrote for either of these fandoms so i'm so sorry if it kinda sucks... i really tried lol  
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading it :)


End file.
